I never gave my parenting style much thought until the recent debate over Amy Chua’s “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.” After all, isn’t it human nature for parents to push their kids to excel? Or am I also a tiger mom?
Like any parent, I relish and savor the moments when my kids excel and it breaks my heart to see them fail or struggle at something. Sometimes I will go out of the way to help them, going to the extent of doing their work for them, but there are times when I will push them to come with a solution or decipher the problem themselves.
Though the the kids see the former as a more easy option, it is the latter that gives me (and them) satisfaction, having them deal with the issue themselves. And though not now, I know in the years to come, they will realize the significance of it all.
But in my ten years as a parent, I have always wondered as to where one draws a line (albeit a very thin one) between encouraging your child and pushing him/her?
Since an excerpt of Chua’s book ran in the Wall Street Journal earlier last month, the book and “Chinese parenting” has become a hot-button subject for parents and non-parents. People everywhere are discussing about how Chua got her daughter to perfect a tune on the piano and rejected a hastily made birthday card. Chua describes this style of parenting that involves enforcing musical practice and studying, denying play dates and sleepovers, as more of an immigrant style of parenting than being strictly Chinese.
Response to this style of tough love has elicited positive and negative comments, with many calling it extreme.
But to me, it is the social economic status than ethnicity that plays a role in the way you bring up your child.
Growing up in an upper middle class family in India, my parents had enrolled me in dance lessons and badminton coaching, for which perfect results at school and good behavior at home were a prerequisite.
Also with this “privilege,” came a lot of discipline and responsibility as well as a very limited choice. But that is not the case today.
Today’s children are faced with so many options and choices that might need adult supervision or “pushing.”
While wanting to encourage my children and see them excel, not just in academics but also in other extracurricular activities, I also want to instill in them a sense of responsibility and discipline which I know will last them through their life time.
Today I feel fortunate to be in a situation where I can offer my children the extras in life, many of which they might not enjoy right now, but will appreciate when they are older.
